#24 Love is bearing with one another

愛是恆久忍耐?

各位和聲人,

這週想與大家分享一下 「愛」。之前老友結婚,席上聽得最多的是 「包容」二字。新郎新娘含情脈脈地互望,感謝對方一直以來的包容。長輩亦不忘提醒一對新人 「執子之手,與子偕老」的要訣在於互諒互讓,包容對方。那到底怎樣才能做到呢?有網站打趣說,面對伴侶的一大堆投訴、期望和要求,我們可以做的是想像自己在讀用戶協議。我們往往會直接跳到最後,按下 “我同意” 。因為若然不同意那些冗長的細節,是不能繼續的。再者,細節也就不用太考究吧!事實上,因為愛,我們大多都用這種 “恆久地忍耐” 的方法應付伴侶和家人。可是,百忍真的能鍊成金嗎?除之以外,還有沒有其他方法呢?之前看過一個新加坡的廣告,片中一位太太在丈夫的喪禮上訴說丈夫生前常常打鼻鼾。彷彿在投訴,我想她之前亦常有微言。可是,在丈夫病重的時候,這些鼻鼾聲就表示丈夫仍健在,成為太太的最想聽到的一種聲音。其實,這種概念轉換不一定要在生離死別時才用得著。在日常與伴侶家人相處中,不妨轉念。把一些看似要啞忍的批評,轉化變成鞭策自己的動力。嘗試用另一角度去欣賞一些”瑕疵”。或許這樣,你會發現這些事情,其實是最美麗的安排,為了成就更完美的你。

 

# 條片嘅link喺啲text入面

# a beautifully imperfect live partner

# little imperfections that make them perfect for you

 

Love is bearing with one another

Dear Woo Singer,

I would like to share something about “Love” this week. My friend just got married not long ago. In his wedding, the phrase I hear the most is “bear with one another in love”. The bride and groom look into each other’s eye, thanking each other for all the patience and endurance during their time together. The in-laws share the little secret for growing old together is to be inclusive and to bear with each other. The question is how are we going to achieve this? Someone suggests treating the partner’s complaints, requests and expectations as the “user agreement”. What we usually do with the “user agreement” is that we will skip all the seemingly unimportant details, go all the way to the bottom and then click “I agree”. Because one cannot proceed without that click. I believe this is often the way we bear with our partner and family. But is this the best way? Can we look from the other angle? These questions remind me of an ad from Singapore. The ad is about a widow giving a speech in her husband’s funeral. In the beginning, she was making fun of her husband’s snore. Others feel weird as if she was complaining. In fact, I think she was indeed suffering in the beginning. However, when her husband’s disease was in the worst situation, these snoring indicated her husband was still alive, and that meant everything to her. Actually, we do not need a life and death situation to change our perception. Instead, we may start switching complaints to propelling force, embracing every beautiful imperfection. Maybe you will then also find these little imperfections perfect for you.  

 

Best regards,


Ellis Fok Ph.D.

Assistant Professor, School of Biomedical Sciences, Faculty of Medicine

Associate Dean of Student, Lee Woo Sing College

The Chinese University of Hong Kong