#11 Self-Compassion: How well do we treat ourselves?​

A short lesson on Self-Compassion

Imagine a friend came to you and said, “My lover broke up with me.” What would you say to your friend?

You would never say, “The lover broke up with you because you are ugly, boring, needy, and not in shape. There is really no hope for you to find someone who loves you. You don’t deserve it.”

But,we will very likely say something like that to ourselves if our lovers break up with us (e.g., “I must have done something wrong”, “I am not good enough”).

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time” (Neff & Germer, 2018, p. 9).

When you encounter a difficult situation, what do you say to yourself? What might you say to a friend in a similar situation?

Can we say what we say to our friends to ourselves?


Neff, K. & Germer, C. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook: A proven way to accept yourself. Build inner strength and thrive. Guilford Publications.

Harold Chui, Ph.D.

Assistant Professor, Department of Educational Psychology

Associate Dean of Students, Lee Woo Sing College

The Chinese University of Hong Kong